“In 2018, I became single, having come out of a four-year relationship. This was the catalyst for my wanting to change my life. It was hard to walk away, but many told me afterwards that I was braver to go than I would have been to stay. I suppose it was easier because we had no children or real ties. I moved back in with my parents and adjusted to living in the family home again.

I would have had a more negative reaction to a problem in the past, and I wasn’t a great communicator. I wanted to change this, along with some old habits and limit stress and anxiety in my life. I wanted to be a more positive person.

I have no regrets in life. I understand that everything that has happened to me has led me to be the person I am today. My relationship breaking down was not all one-sided; I cannot say it was my ex’s fault, but afterwards, I wondered, ‘how can I be a better partner to the next person I meet?’

Having to keep busy all of the time was my motto. I would never take a day off work unless I had lots of plans made for the day. I realised after a while that I was afraid to be in my own company. I wouldn’t even go for a walk on my own, or heaven forbid I might have to think or reflect! I figured out that ‘being busy’ meant running away from myself!

I love to help people and would do so at the drop of a hat. I found it easier to help others than to give myself some attention. In 2019, I discovered Reiki, which was the best thing I ever did. Reiki is an energy healing practice that is meditative and relaxing and can help reduce stress and anxiety, amongst other health issues. Between that and some other self-development work, before long, I was going for walks on my own, meditating and journaling daily and generally being a more positive person. I even went on holiday for a week last year and had the best time! This was a significant change for me. I became more comfortable in my own company. I changed how I ate and signed up with a fitness and mindset coach.

I wanted to push myself to do the opposite of what I would have done in the past. I also wanted to help and inspire others in what was a challenging time during the pandemic. I reached out to my friends through a Facebook Story, saying I was creating a 21-day journaling group. I set up a private group, and every morning I would post a prompt that got people thinking about what they are grateful for.
I got a great buzz from this group, with everyone interacting and thanking me for doing it. It went so well that I opened up a second group and continued for the next 21 days.

When the second Covid-19 lockdown came in 2020, it hit me hard and set me back on my journey. I saw how we as humans need that contact with people. I felt terrible for those living alone and have been looking to buy a house; I instead began to think maybe I was not ready to live on my own. I stopped doing my new routine of meditating and journaling. After a short while, I noticed myself slipping back into the negative thought when something happened, reacting to situations instead of responding. I’m grateful to have got these warnings and realisations that I need to continue practising positivity daily to stay in a good place mentally.

I saw my new habits rubbing off at home on my parents, and it was lovely to see how they also began to look at things differently. Some mornings I notice Daddy putting on a YouTube meditation video while eating his breakfast. My mother is an entirely different person from the one she was, and she reckons some of it is from the stuff I was doing. She’s gone from a plain eater to trying new foods, and her golf has improved immensely! I can only take a small amount of credit for putting the ideas out there; she is the one doing the work. I suggested that the three of us do a painting tutorial online together. This was a very special time for me. We got to bond as a family and try something new while creating some lovely artwork. To see the pride on my mother’s face when she realised she was more creative than she thought was so satisfying.

Over time, I have learned that we must challenge ourselves to try different things instead of saying no to everything. How do we know we don’t like something or are not good at something unless we try?

I also have learned how better to respond to situations rather than react. I have practiced this by having my phone on silent all of the time and turning it off at night. I would have had many calls being involved in golf club committees, some very late at night. And in the past, if my phone beeped, I’d jump to answer it even if it didn’t suit me. Now I answer it only if I can, and if I can’t, I ring the person back at a better time.

I have realised that we create our reality. We should not blame others for the circumstances that we find ourselves in. If we want to change something in our lives, we must take responsibility, do more things that make us happy, and surround ourselves with people who bring out the best in us.

I strive every day to become the best version of myself, be independent and open-minded, and build the belief that the things I want are out there for me. I am getting closer to finding the right person, the person I want to spend the rest of my life with”.