“Annemarie had great energy, which is just one of the many things I loved about her. She was an organiser. She always got things done and had everything in order around the house. We met by chance in the Bridge House in Tullamore when her friends invited her for a night out. She was a Roscommon woman, and I used to slag her about having to travel over the Shannon to get herself a man. She laughed a lot at that. After we married in 2001, we were blessed with two beautiful boys, Emmet and Graeme.
Our lives changed forever in 2015 when Annemarie got her cancer diagnosis. Emmet was eight then, and on the day we got the news, he met us at the back door and asked, “Mammy, do you have cancer?”. He just knew. We couldn’t believe it, but we never lied to the boys. Graeme was very young, but Emmet was old enough to understand, so we took him to counselling with Larcc straightaway. They were fantastic support to us.
Annemarie had chemotherapy, and by September 2016, she was in flying form. I worked early when she travelled to St. James’s Hospital in Dublin for routine results. Her doctor was very positive and happy with everything. He told her that the tumours had all but disappeared and that she would need some meds to keep her going. He told her to go off and buy something nice for herself. As she was walking out the door, she told him that she had a brain scan at 11.30 am that day, and he told her not to worry, that it had nothing to do with her cancer. She complained of forgetting small things, but we didn’t think much about it. She went off shopping and was happy out. Later that morning, after the scan, she knew something was wrong by the nurse’s reaction. I had arrived home from work at 12:30 pm when I got a call telling me I had to travel to Dublin. They had found something.
Annemarie had an operation the following month and was never really herself after that. She lived for 18 months after the operation, but it was a tough time. Her goal was to be here for Emmet’s confirmation, and she made it. She died exactly a month later.
It is so hard to experience the death of someone so close. I never realised how difficult it would be, and I have so much empathy for anyone going through it because I know what it’s like.
Life is for living, and I try to do my best every day. After Annemarie died, I continued to go for counselling and the boys to Dochas and Larcc. After Annemarie passed away, I lounged around and stayed home a lot for the first year. In May 2019, I decided to take up cycling to do something for myself. I cycled alone for a few months until a friend invited me to join the Tullamore Cycling Club. Initially nervous, it was the best thing I ever did. I was welcomed and supported from day one, and I love it.
I always had a goal to do something special in Annemarie’s memory. I had intended to do ‘The Pink Ribbon Cycle’ in September, but that was cancelled due to Covid-19. One day in May, I thought about doing a sponsored cycle for Offaly Hospice when I was out for a spin on the local route. I never thought that my little plan would grow legs overnight. A few of my great neighbours helped me through my training for the big day. Only for them, I definitely would not have gotten through it on my own. In the weeks before the big day, signs were popping up around the route wishing me luck and a young boy, Sean [9], organised a cake sale, which was a huge success.
On the morning of the 150km cycle in June 2020, my great neighbours lined the top of the road to support me. They had done the same thing the morning of Annemarie’s final journey. People were out from 6 am and remained until I crossed the finish line at 2 pm later that day. On one of the laps, tears started flowing with all the locals and Tullamore Cycling Club members lining both sides of the road and clapping in support as we passed. I remember Roisin Galvin saying, “it’s too early for that “. We had three short pitstops in my cousin Eoghan’s house. Eoghan also lost his beloved wife, Edel, just four months before Annemarie’s passing. We occasionally overstayed due to all the lovely goodies he had sorted for us.
From the first lap to the last, the crowd grew and got louder every time we passed them. The good wish signs were on every corner to keep us going, and we also had our safety motorcyclist, who was a massive help on the day. I look back on the day with a smile and call it “The day the Tour de France came to Durrow”. It gave the whole community of Durrow a massive lift in a tough time with COVID. The support was overwhelming, and I’m still on a high after it. I had hoped to raise about €8,000, but a massive €32,500 came through, and I am very grateful to everyone who donated and helped. I won’t forget those people, and I am so glad I could give something back to thank you for everything that was done to make life that little bit easier for us at such a tough time.
Annemarie spent her last year in and out of the Accident and Emergency Department at Tullamore Hospital. The staff there were brilliant, but being so sick, it wasn’t fair on Annemarie to sit on a trolley for hours on end. If the hospice had been there, she would have been able to go straight there and be looked after. In her last weeks, the palliative care team came to our home to care for Annemarie. Doctors, nurses, occupational therapists and social workers were among those who looked after us. They were amazing. They were at the end of the phone the whole time too.
The bike has given me a new outlet and a lease of life. Meeting others, getting healthy and having positive thoughts in my head is really important and keeps me going. I have made some fantastic friends, giving me tremendous confidence.
Cancer destroys a home and a family. It took everything from Annemarie in the end and took her away from the boys and me. She was just a normal Mammy. She loved her kids, me, and her family, friends, and neighbours.
We will never stop talking about Annemarie, even when, at times, it’s hard. We have to keep her memory alive, and I hope she would be proud of the boys and me today”.
Eddie is a native of Durrow, just outside Tullamore, Co. Offaly.